The harsh realities of marriage and divorce for women

By Aisha Lawal

Marriage is a beautiful union, but it comes with societal dynamics that often tilt the scales against women. As single women or during courtship, we hold the power to choose and re-choose. This is the phase where a woman’s autonomy is at its peak, with the liberty to decide what she wants in a partner.

However, the moment a man pays your bride price and officially makes you his wife, the game shifts—and it’s often not in our favor. At that point, he’s already scored a goal, 1-0. Even if the marriage ends on that same day, society brands you as a bazawara (divorcee), a title that clings to a woman in ways it never does to a man.

If you go on to have children with him, the score becomes 2-0. The stakes are higher because, as a mother, your obligations multiply, and society becomes even less forgiving should the marriage fail.

And if the marriage ends in divorce later, especially when the woman is older, it’s 3-0. The harsh reality is that women often bear the brunt of divorce in ways men don’t. Our value in society, unfortunately, depreciates with time, as we are judged by our age, marital status, and even fertility. Meanwhile, it remains far easier for a man, even at 50 or 60 years old, to marry a young woman—sometimes as young as 16.

No matter the perspective, it is clear that women are almost always at the receiving end when divorce happens. The societal structures, the expectations, and the labels all weigh heavier on us. It’s a harsh truth, but one we must acknowledge and navigate carefully.

Marriage is more than love; it’s a partnership with societal consequences. So, my sisters, while making that life-changing decision, weigh your options carefully and be prepared for all that comes with it.